With this much-fabled affair finally coming to a close, I can call this novella quits without much guilt. It’s been a fun and healing ride, and one that I hope I can undertake, and hopefully surpass, next year.
Not only with this challenge, but with the whole process of healing and getting over. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it was never going to head anywhere- and even if it didn’t, I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t want it to.
Right now, the best possible outcome for us would be to be friends. Actually, fuck that- we could’ve just been two strangers, who shared a history. But I’m afraid that isn’t the case- and doesn’t seem like it’ll ever happen in the extended future.
And I think I’ve finally come to terms with it. Quite co-incidentally, I do this at the end of the month too, when I’m actually out of words for this novella, project, outpouring- whatever you want to call it.
I wish her all the very best in life; I always will. I hope she leads a happy and successful life, and finds someone who will treat her better than I ever did (not that difficult, to be honest). I hope she does well in her professional and personal life, and gets everything that she wants- even if that means substances from the hilly regions of Himachal.
Okay, that sounded waaay too vitriolic, but I assure you, I have no malice in my heart for her. It’s the complete opposite. But with a marginal difference- I finally feel a little content. And I haven’t felt this way in a very long time.
I’ve resigned to my fate, finally. I’ll let it take me wherever it does, and figure it out from there. There isn’t much one can do when one can’t control the outcome. In such a case, one must just let go of things.
I recently got to know that the things in my life, the future, may not exactly be in my hands. It’s been quite a ride since then, but I think it’s getting better. It’ll ultimately get much worse, but that can’t mean that I let my doomed future affect my present.
I’ll live, hopefully. Well, for a couple more weeks at least.
Special note here for Kodaline. They, along with The Lumineers and Mumford and Sons, have made this process a little easier. I haven’t been able to listen to much of Coldplay, simply because I cease to appreciate their music when I’m in a bad mood. But these three bands have definitely helped me, and acted as some sort of comforters.
All I Want by Kodaline perhaps goes into the top three songs I like. In fact, I have an 11-song playlist of the same song with various covers and live performances of it. The words and structure of the song really helped me out at the start, and shall always remain with me.
Here are the lyrics to Moving On, which has had a similar cathartic result on me.
Sometime in the future maybe we can get together, maybe share a drink and talk awhile
And reminisce about the days when we were still together
Maybe someday further down the line
And I will meet you there
Sometime in the future we can share our stories
When we won’t care about all of our mistakes, our failures, and our glories
But until that day comes along I’ll keep on moving on. I’ll keep on moving on.
I suppose that’s it for NaNoWriMo2016, then. Over the next couple of weeks, I shall try to edit and add stuff to the 5,700-odd words I’ve already written, and place it all in a chronological order, following which, I’ll be sending PDF versions to a couple of people. That’s it. This challenge has really helped me to get through some truly difficult times, and made me face some tough questions- most of which would not have been raised, had I not undertaken the challenge. I have felt a lot better since I started this, and shall definitely recommend it to others the next year. A huge, huge thanks to Pankhuri, who did provide me with a little kick in the ass whenever I required it, and her names for the couple in my story, for which I am still waiting.